God's Leading: A Testimony

God is amazing--in so many ways! Tonight I’m thinking in particular of the way He leads when we can’t see clearly to make out the path ahead. I want to share the following testimony on how God has lead in a particular area in my life with the hope that it can be an encouragement to others who might be facing something similar. This was God’s answer for me and the way He worked in my life. The details of your story won’t be the same, but God does have a plan for you and He will work it out if you wait on Him!

It was about two years ago that I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with violin. Should I continue taking lessons? Should I stop playing altogether and move on to something else? Were there any opportunities for me to use my playing to bless others? Should I teach? Should I form a little group to play with? I faced a lot of confusion and uncertainty whenever I tried to seek God's will in this area. What did God want me to do?

Fast forward two years . . .

I’ve officially been teaching violin (and piano) for a year and a half now and I’m planning to get certified as a Suzuki violin teacher next summer if things continue to unfold for that. I’m taking ten of my sixteen students to two nursing homes next weekend to do a Thanksgiving program. I feel so blessed and fulfilled in being the one to help these children discover the beauty of music. My life has been bettered in so many ways through the experience of being a teacher!

Two and a half years ago, I found out about Anabaptist Orchestra Camp through a friend. That is part of what set my course concerning the violin. I knew I wasn’t stopping after I went there the first year! So many of my dreams have been fulfilled through AOC and I’m grateful for those who birthed that vision and those who have helped to carry it out!

My older sister plays harp, and she and I have been working toward a goal of going to a nursing home once a month to play. Our desire is that we will be able to be a bit of hope and light in some hopeless and dark lives. It is more blessed to give than to receive, so we want to share what we've been given through the gift of music.

Two months ago, my violin teacher asked me to play in a concert that she does with friends every December. We’ve been practicing for just over a month now, and it’s been wonderful to play with other musicians who enjoy music as much as I do and are committed to practicing, rehearsals, and whatever it takes to make the concert a success!

My teacher is also working with some of her younger students in an ensemble setting, and she invited my younger sister (who I’ve been teaching) to participate and asked me to help lead one of the little groups within the ensemble. The experience has combined three of my favorite things when it comes to music: playing with others, sight reading, and . . . the simple joy of making music!

In December, I’ll be playing Christmas music at a local church on Christmas Eve. My teacher told me about the opportunity and said that she couldn’t do it and asked if I would like to. I was nervous as I’ve never done anything like that before, but I went and met with them and they said they’d like to have me. So . . . I’m going to do it!

Several of the things I’m involved in right now are short term, and I don’t know what (if anything) will take their place in the coming months. However, I do know how God has directed me for now, and I know that He will continue to lead and unfold my path before me as I follow Him!

So how did I get from A to B, from confusion and uncertainty to certainty, fulfillment, and joy? One big thing that happened is that God used my parents to answer questions, give input, and help guide me. I know I wouldn't be at where I am today if it weren't for my wonderful parents! God also tested my faith during this journey. Often I would step out, not knowing exactly where I was going, but God was always there to confirm my direction or shut the doors. As long as I stayed closely connected to Him, I knew I could trust Him to do that!

Silence = Death

Such a simple equation, and yet so profound. For me, it marked a definite beginning to a new chapter in my life.

In his book “Stand for Life: A Student’s Guide for Making the Case and Saving Lives” (Disclaimer: I do not completely agree with the author's view in every situation), Scott Klusendorf says, “Some things are so wrong, so horrible even to look at, that you will quickly look away for your own emotional protection. Or, you will draw nearer, in spite of the discomfort, take a good hard look, and consider what you might do to stop it. Welcome to the pro-life movement.” This bipolar feeling is exactly what I experienced (and still do!) so many times in my journey into the pro-life movement. Time and time again I wanted to run far away, bury my head in a pillow, and sleep until this horrible nightmare was over. But I couldn’t. I knew it was real, and I felt compelled to do something!

My involvement as a pro-lifer began before I was born (read my life story here) when God saved my parents and gave them a desire to follow Him in every way, including if, when, and how many children He would give them. I had always taken love for new life for granted and as a young child I often prayed for more siblings. I was ecstatic every time a new life was added to our family – even before I had met our newest member!

Then . . . reality.

I remember the first time I heard the term “pro-life”. My Mother’s elementary explanation of that term and the surrounding topics did not really sink in at first. It was such a foreign thought to me that anyone wouldn’t want their child! Or even if I could conceive that someone might not want their child – would anyone actually kill their own child?

A few years went by and my understanding of abortion and the opposing views grew. I began to have strong feelings and opinions of my own, especially as my youngest sibling got older and I began really missing those “baby days”. My developing views were fed and influenced, of course, by my parents. My Father always emphasized to us how important this topic was to both him and God.

In February 2013, a year and a half after my family moved to North Carolina, we attended a Missions Conference in Pennsylvania. It was while I was sitting there listening to one of the speakers that the Lord really laid a burden for pro-life work on my heart. At that time I did not know what it would mean to or how to get involved, but it was then that I realized that God was asking ME to do something.

We returned home and life went on (life in a family with nine children is never dull!). Then in June during a conversation with my parents, my Father asked me if I had ever considered pro-life work. I said that in fact I had, and shared the burden God had laid on my heart months before. That afternoon my Father gave me Randy Alcorn’s book “Why Pro-Life?” which I read over the next few days. (By the way, that is an excellent introductory pro-life book!) For the next several weeks, my Father and I spent a lot of time reading, watching, and researching the pro-life and pro-abortion views and many related topics.

It was during one of these times that I saw it – Silence = Death, lettered in white on black in front of a photo of the White House. I broke down in tears as I realized the reality and implication of that simple equation. That was all it took for me to know that I was not turning back. Someone had to speak up, why wouldn’t it be me?

After a few weeks, I knew it was time to take the next big step – going out to a clinic. My first day out to a clinic was September 6, 2013. Living an hour away from the nearest clinic sometimes makes travel interesting, and my first day out was only an introduction to that. My Father and I left in plenty of time (so we thought!), but we were held up for just over an hour due to an accident.

As I considered the delay, I thought about how often people attribute these situations to God or the devil. Ultimately, God is in control of everything, but a situation can either be because of God’s perfect will and plan, because of the devil’s intervention, or simply because of human error or scheduling. Although I may never know who or what was behind our being late that day, I was already beginning to see the spiritual warfare. But there was more to come.

We arrived at our destination and I began looking and listening. It was all there – the signs showing the reality of abortion and the beautiful alternatives, pro-life people attempting to intercept those driving in, someone on the microphone pleading with mothers and fathers or sharing the gospel, mothers, fathers, and friends driving in, ignoring the help offered and the warnings, the “bouncer” waving people in or trying to hinder the pro-lifers by talking to them and blaring his car radio.

It was all as I had expected – almost. The only thing that I had underestimated was the power of the spiritual forces and how real this war over life and death was. These verses in Ephesians became very real to me that morning: “Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm” ~ Ephesians 6:11-13.

I have learned a lot more since that first morning, been to several more clinics, and become more personally and physically involved in the work. But some things haven’t changed. I came away from that first morning a bit wiser, a bit more sympathetic, a bit more loving, a bit more saddened, a bit more mature, and a lot more burdened and determined. And that is how I have come away every time since.

Although my greatest motivation may be to speak up for those who have no voice – the unborn, I, as a young lady myself, also have a great burden for those young ladies who get abortions. I am very thankful for the home I was raised in and for my loving parents who taught me to protect my purity and to love life. But my heart goes out to those young ladies – girls just my age (or younger) who haven’t been raised in a home like mine. My heart breaks every time I think of them, just blossoming in the prime of life, with so much potential, now completely ruined and scarred. Even if the actions that got them to that place were not right, they are now a mother and they are getting rid of one of the greatest gifts God gave them – a new life to love and care for.

Amidst all of the very difficult parts of being involved in pro-life ministry, it is a joy to know that I am serving the Lord and that lives are being saved. Through this ministry, I have also been blessed to meet many dear people who also have a burden for the unborn and their families. I’m so thankful for all of you precious brothers and sisters! You have been such an encouragement to me. Keep pressing on!

I don’t know exactly how or where the Lord will lead me in the future in this work. But as long as abortion is legal in our country, we as Christians have a responsibility to speak up. God has laid this burden on my heart and I will not remain silent! Life is a gift!

“Deliver those who are being taken away to death, and those who are staggering to slaughter, Oh hold them back. If you say, “See, we did not know this,” Does He not consider it who weighs the hearts? And does He not know it who keeps your soul? And will He not render to man according to his work?” ~ Proverbs 24:11+12

“Open your mouth for the mute, For the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, And defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.” ~ Proverbs 31:8-9

My Love Story

I’m sorry this is so long, but my heart is overflowing with my Great King’s amazing love and I just felt like I had to share about His goodness to me! May you be pointed to Him through this story of His faithfulness!

If I were to summarize my life, I would put it in the words of Mary, the mother of Jesus: “For the Mighty One has done great things for me; and holy is His name.” It is because of this that I say with her, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to Thy word.”

My life began in 1994 in a quiet country setting in Vermont. At that time I had one sister, my elder by eighteen months. By 2007 our family would grow to a grand total of nine children, all of whom were born in Vermont except my youngest sister, born just across the border in New Hampshire.

My parents did not grow up Christian, but by the time I was born they were. We read the Bible as a family and were a Christian home. Because of this, I kind of assumed I was “okay”. I don’t know if I would have exactly said I was a Christian if asked, but I didn’t think I was a sinner. I vaguely remember a short conversation with my mother when I was about seven years old during which I found out that I wasn’t a Christian just because my parents were (surprise!). Now the responsibility rested upon me.

Our family was not part of an established church for the first years of my life. After leaving the mainstream Christian church right around the time I was born, we met by ourselves, with other families in homes, and visited churches. Weeks after my ninth birthday and during the time we were planning to move out-of-state to be part of a church, our family was invited to a gathering of Christians by a family we had only met twice and didn’t know very well at all. That was all it took – a few months later we all began meeting regularly.

God began moving mightily in hearts and many were born again in the next year and a half. Up to this point we had been driving two hours one way to meetings every other week on Sunday and often gatherings of various kinds during the week. Then little by little, families began moving to a central location. We moved an hour away from where we had been in October 2005.

            But I’m getting ahead of myself! Before we moved, I began seriously considering my own heart as I heard others give witness to the work God had done in their lives and watched them be baptized. One conversation I remember very clearly from this time of searching was one I had with my parents about “counting the cost” of following Christ (see Luke 14:25-33). I also remember often crying myself to sleep or sneaking into my closet to pray long after everyone else had gone to bed. I couldn’t have told you exactly why, though, because I still didn’t really see myself as a “that bad”.

            Then we moved. That was exciting, and for a time I was distracted from thoughts of God. When I did think about it, the thought was always “later”. That is a very dangerous thing, and for some, there is never a “later”. But God in His great mercy did give me a “later”, and for that I am forever grateful. That is why I am telling this story of His amazing love!

            A few months later, my older sister was born again. That brought mixed feelings; on the one hand our relationship was greatly restored, but on the other hand it brought me more conviction. During the following months, almost every day was a battle. I knew what God was asking me to do, but my rebellious heart would not yield to Him.

            One of the biggest things that still stood between God and me was my need to see myself as a wicked sinner, which is exactly what I was. Per my Father’s direction, I began keeping a list of everything that I could remember that I had ever done wrong. I didn’t even finish that list, because it was too bad. I finally saw the true state of my heart.

It was then in March 2006 when I was eleven years old that I finally allowed God to break me. My Father and I were taking a walk in the cornfield behind our house when I told him I wasn’t going to wait any longer – I was going to repent and yield my life to God right now. We knelt beside an old log and it was there that God replaced my stony heart with one of flesh! Nine days later I was baptized in obedience to God as a symbol of the transformation that had taken place in my life.

Although I look back with great joy on that time when God adopted me as His daughter, His princess, the story of His amazing love doesn’t stop there. That was just the beginning! The church that we were a part of at that time continued to grow and flourish. I loved the people of God – my brothers and sisters – and I loved the work He was doing among us.

At the end of May 2008 we were told by our landlord that in three weeks we would need to be out of the house that we were renting. My parents had already had a sense that God was moving us on from that church, and He continued to confirm this as no housing opportunities opened up in the area. My Mother’s parents graciously opened their home to us, and we gladly accepted the offer. Moving to my grandparents took us an hour away from the church, back to where we were originally from. We stopped attending the church at that time.

The year that we lived at my grandparents was a happy, sad, exciting, and challenging time all at once. God began a refining work in my heart, which I rebelled against at first. My life and joy had come from our church ever since I was born again, and now God was trying to teach me to rely solely on Him. It was a painful process at times, but only because of my flesh. Looking back, I now see that it was a very beautiful time in my life.

Leaving the church that we had been a part of also began a three-year journey of searching for another church, during which we traveled out-of-state many times. We met many new friends and made wonderful connections with brothers and sisters in other states.

That year also brought some very hard news – my Mother was diagnosed with cancer. Just before her surgery my grandpa had emergency hip surgery and a few weeks later my older sister had knee surgery. What looked like a very bad thing God turned into a great blessing as people from the church we had been a part of reached out in weekly visits and providing many meals for us. I don’t think we could have done it without them!

In May 2009 we bought a house just ¾ of a mile away from my grandparents. The two years we lived at that house hold a lot of special family memories. God used that time to draw our family together in an even closer bond than we had experienced before. However, He also had more He wanted to do in my life. It was then that I was diagnosed with a Temporomandibular (jaw) Joint Disorder.

The next year and a half was a very bittersweet time. Through days, which turned into weeks and months, of pain, I found a nearness to God that I hadn’t known before. Driving an hour and a half one way to see a specialist, plus physical therapy appointments, were also a blessing in disguise as I got to spend a lot of one-on-one time with my parents.

Some of my favorite verses during this time were: “But now, O Lord, You are our Father, we are the clay, and You our potter; and all of us are the work of Your hand” (Isaiah 64:8) and “. . . casting all your care on Him, because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7b). Although this was the most difficult thing I have ever experienced in my own life, I would not have had it differently. God certainly knows what we need!

In July 2010, our family took a trip to North Carolina for a friend’s wedding. Although we were still looking for a church at that time, we didn’t exactly have that in mind when we went to the wedding (North Carolina was too far south!). We attended the wedding and then returned to Vermont. However, the next spring we were invited by my mother’s parents to go along with them on their yearly vacation to the ocean in South Carolina. It was then that we remembered “that church in North Carolina”. Since we would be passing through the area, we called a contact we had from the church and made plans to visit.

We spent just under forty-eight hours in the area and then continued on our way to South Carolina. We made a decision as a family not to discuss our visit to the church, but instead for each of us to pray about it. The day after we returned from South Carolina, we called a family meeting. Each family member shared their thoughts and feelings and leadings from the Lord. It was unanimous – the Lord was directing us to move to North Carolina!

That is when the whirlwind of activity began. My parents took a five-day trip to North Carolina to look at houses. Once again, we did not talk about the houses but went to the Lord in prayer. We then had another family meeting and although we did not reach a definitive decision at that time, the Lord clearly laid the path out before us. The house we ended up buying was one that my parents had looked at quickly just as they were headed out of town back to Vermont. It wasn’t even on the market yet but they had heard that the owners wanted to sell it. What a blessing – we didn’t even have to go through a realtor!

Almost exactly three months from when we visited the church in North Carolina we were all packed up and on the road. We said goodbye to Vermont where my Mother had grown up and we had all lived since my parents were married, and set off for our new home.

That was just over two years ago. The past two years have been equally as exciting and faith building. God has continued to work mightily in my life and our family; however, one particular thing stands out most in my mind.

Although the pain from my jaw joint disorder had gone away considerably through treatment and time, I still had problems with it. So after we moved, we sought out a specialist and began visits. We then learned that my regular dentist treated patients with my condition often, so we switched to him. That was a blessing in itself, since he is a Christian and always credited God with any progress or healing.

Then I developed migraine headaches and the occipital neuralgia (inflammation of a nerve) that I had since I was young was getting a lot worse. A doctor visit followed and I began seeing a neurologist. All through this time a close friend of mine in our church had been praying for me and she encouraged me to consider being anointed. I knew that was what God was asking me to do, but I wasn’t willing to take that step of faith. It seemed so much easier to just rely on human wisdom (doctors). Then, two things happened. First, a young sister in our church was anointed for her Lyme’s disease. I was blessed and encouraged by her faith. A few weeks later, a brother preached a message about faith versus feelings. God really used that to work in my heart and I yielded in obedience to what He was asking me to do.

In accordance with the pattern outlined at the end of James chapter five, I requested anointing from the elders of our church for my jaw disorder, headaches, and neuralgia. That was very faith-building for me! Every situation is different and some may feel led to continue medications or treatment even after an anointing as a means of healing that God can work through. However, in my case, I felt that the Lord really wanted me to go the whole way and fully trust Him for my healing. So with more faith that I felt like I had, I stopped the medication I was on and waited to see what God would do! Although God does sometimes choose not to heal for various reasons, He did heal me and I want to give Him the glory for the amazing things He has done in my life. It is only because of Him that I am now pain-free! Thank you, Lord!

God has continued to do many great things in my life since then. It hasn’t always been as easy or exciting, but He never promised an easy path. He only gives us these “mountain-top” experiences from time to time as faith builders and a reminder of His power and love.

As the Lord has continued to guide me, He has recently led me into the work of saving lives destined to death through abortion. (To read the story of how God led me to be involved in this life-saving ministry, visit here.)

It is my prayer that His work will always continue in my life. May this testimony be a small tribute to a Great King – the one to whom I owe my everything! “For the Mighty One has done great things for me; and holy is His name.” ~ Luke 1:49